Raven - Dragon Slayer
by Feriwan
Summary: Raven sings Beast Boy a (slightly modified) NSP song for his birthday. Awesomeness/hilarity ensues. Rated M for language. Oneshot.


**If you haven't seen/heard NSP - Dragon Slayer, you probably won't get this. Make sure you have.  
PS Raven's mostly referring to Malchior.  
Also, for maximum reading pleasure, listen to the song as you read the lyrics.  
And also I submitted this as a Headcanon to the teentitansheadcanons tumblr (post 79448761018)**

* * *

Beast Boy went back to his bedroom after the long day. For once, Cyborg didn't bug him with meat, Robin didn't work him to the ground during training. Starfire gave him enough bone-crushing hugs for a year and Raven seemed to have let happy loose more than she usually did. Yeah, having a birthday was great. And having Raven as a girlfriend made it sooo much better. But he and Cyborg stayed up long enough, and now it was time for some much deserved rest. Beast Boy went down the hall to his room and the door opened with a _woosh_. He turned on the light and that's when the last thing he ever expected to happen did.

"Why hello there," _Raven said, as a familiar music started up._  
"You're a very attractive, young man.  
I'd like to ask you out on the _hhhhhhhoooooottest_ of dates.  
I see that you have a lot of other female suitors," _she pointed at cardboard cutouts of various females.  
_"Allow me to make my case.

"This gal plays football, but I once won the whole Super Bowl by myself.  
This gal is super strong, but I can magically lift an entire continental shelf.  
That dudette's a scientist, but I already healed all diseases last week.  
And if that's not enough let me ask when was the last time one of these cunts killed a motherfucking mythical beast?!

"Oh yeah!  
I will rock your world!  
Cause I'm a dragon slayer-girl!  
I shall now expose my breasts!  
Don't act like you're not impressed." _Beast Boy nearly fainted from shock, but kept listening, jaw hanging open._  
"How hard did I just seal the deal?" _"Very hard…" Beast boy whispered, drool coming out of his mouth._  
With my dragon slayer squeal.  
Do you feel all my sexy appeal?" _Beast Boy nodded subconsciously, mesmerized by the beauty in front of him._  
"And my story that's so very totally real!

"I rode up to the Tower top,  
it was 90000000150000100 feet in the air!  
'til I found the dragon's book  
and I fought through his army of awesome karate bears.  
The dragon's breath was a blast from hell  
And we fought so hard I missed a longstanding appointment for brunch." _Beast Boy smile grew even wider at the thought of Goth boy being stood up._  
"Then I swung my horse like a club  
and it caused a sonic boom that ruptured space and then exploded the sun!

"Oh yeah!  
You are now in love!" _"Totally" Beast boy replied.  
_"With my great dragon slaying bust!" _"Totally totally!" Beast Boy said, drooling more than any dog would in its lifetime.  
_"I killed (more than) one demon with these hands!  
Did I say I'm also in a band?  
In case you might need more proof,  
I brought the dragon right to you. (Ooh!)  
It's the one that I slew,  
He'll attest that my story is totally true!  
Dragon dance!" _Beast Boy would have gotten up and danced along with Raven, but he had been immobilized since one of the first lines. Then Starfire came through the window, dressed as a dragon._

"I am a dragon.  
Not some gal Raven met at the pizzeria in a dragon suit! Hihi!"

"Boy, let's go back to my place.  
Nothing fancy, just a huge floating rock in space." _Raven teleported them away to Nevermore, leaving Starfire behind, but kept on singing._  
"Can you guess what's coming next?" _"No way…" Beast Boy said as he – somehow – remembered how the song ended._  
"Here's a hint: I'm talking about sex.  
This is the best day of your life!" _"Yeah…" Beast Boy said, eyes glazed.  
_"I'll be your dragon slaying wife! (All right!)  
Now it's time to decide  
which lucky one of us is going to be your lover tonight?" _Raven finished, with all her emotions appearing around her._

"Ummm," Beast Boy stuttered, "All of you?" he said, just as he fainted.

* * *

**I regret nothing, least of all this. But if it ever ****_did_**** happen, BB would probably be in a coma for weeks :p**


End file.
